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Thursday, June 17, 2004

Reading Beth's blog got me thinking - I really have a problem with asking for help and even accepting help. And I don't think it is just me. Is it a cultural thing? In our culture there is such a stress on self-reliance, individualism, not being "beholden"....

I have on a couple occasions tried to give someone money (because of them talking about a present financial need, and us having some surplus at the moment so I could meet the need right then and there...) and have them turn it down. ("No, really, we can manage....."). Well, yes you can - but couldn't you manage better with the little bit extra (which we can spare?)
If they do take it, it is usually with an look of embarrassment. I have taken to sending anonymous cash through the mail, LOL!

Same with some moms in the mother child group I was in. They would moan and groan about how wiped out and exhausted they were, but when I would say "Let me pick up the kids for a couple hours and take them to the park, so you can rest..." and they would get this embarassed look on their face and say "Thanks for the offer, but I can manage....."

I would get really annoyed by that. Why can't people accept help? But the truth is, I can't either - don't know what it is. Is it because it would be admitting a weakness? Plain old pride?

Even in the church, "It is better to give than to receive" is the mantra, and for some reason that is turned around to "It is bad to receive". (..and then you have the people who do nothing but receive and receive and receive, but that is a whole 'nuther topic.....)

But if we are to carry on anothers burdens, that would mean that I need to
a)admit there is a burden
b)let go of part of it
c)not feel embarassed or weak if someone picks up that part and carries it for me.

I feel like I should be carrying everything. I need to handle it. I can help other people carry their burdens, and consider it a privilege. I don't like others carrying my burdens, and consider it an embarrassment. That is really so asinine.

posted by Birgit
0 comments at 8:44 AM

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